if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm really into asian looking animals
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
