yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
