Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
