My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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