I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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