i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
