Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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