i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
