Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
