I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
