my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize