wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
