A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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