Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
