I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Damn victory sex feels great
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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