It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
