Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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