her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
