ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
