I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
