We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
