she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize