Your dad touched me again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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