I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
