I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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