We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
