How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize