mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
