i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
