I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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