Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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