like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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