sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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