He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
