I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's Friday. Sex?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
