Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
