she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
