very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
