**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
