It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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