Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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