Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
