Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
