I accidentally burped into my bong.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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