I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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