there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
