My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
