my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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