I just saw a hot homeless man
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
