its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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