i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize