You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
