last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
