dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she looked like the before picture.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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