Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
