I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
