I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
