Buhtt sex?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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