i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
