Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
did i just pee glitter
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
