she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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