dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize