Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it's like iHOP with fire
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
