Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
