My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
