We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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