my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
