I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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