To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
