So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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