I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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