But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
