the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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